We’re in the middle of a deadly pandemic. Our political landscape is emotionally charged. Racial inequality is spawning justified unrest. Economic opportunity is in short supply. Our country is polarized on many different fronts. If you’re not feeling some anxiety, you are not paying attention.
During this incredibly painful historic moment, when our struggles are great and our emotional bandwidth is stretched thin, consider this; “maybe, it’s time to ask for help”.
What’s stopping you!? What old self-limiting beliefs are rattling around in your head telling you… “asking for help is weak, I don’t want to bother anyone else, I don’t want to be indebted to someone else, and besides, If I want to get something done right, I have to do it myself”!
Really?? Are the above thoughts the truth, or a self-limiting belief? What if those thoughts are from the past and no longer serve you? Here are some things to consider that will help you increase your Emotional Intelligence, reframe your thoughts, build personal resilience and create deeper interpersonal connections.
Self-Limiting Belief #1: “Asking for help is a sign of weakness”
Clinging to this old belief may be due to what we were taught by our parents, or teachers, or even our peers. It is an emotional response. What if you reframed this belief and looked through a different lens? For example, tell yourself, “the sooner I ask for help, the faster I can accomplish my goal”. There is strength in being resourceful, and there is wisdom in broadening perspective. Begin to see that getting advice or accepting assistance is a form of collaboration and collaboration is a cornerstone of progress.
Self-Limiting Belief #2: “I am fearful of becoming a burden to others”
There is great value in knowing that you are resilient enough to handle the challenges life brings. However, being overly self-reliant may be the obstacle to asking for help. What if asking for help, advice or support, was giving someone else an opportunity to be in service to you? Think about how good it feels to be helpful and in service to someone or something other than yourself. Asking for help gives someone else a chance to share their knowledge and expertise. When you can receive their help and support with gratitude, the relationship connection deepens.
Self-Limiting Belief #3: “I don’t want to feel indebted to someone else”
It would be a rare human that gets through this thing called life without needing a helping hand at some point. It is inevitable that at some stage of life, our circumstances will require us to depend on someone else to help us accomplish our goals. Instead of seeing ourselves as “indebted” what if the focus was on the shared purpose and outcome you want to achieve? Whether at home, or at work, through reciprocal support, our families, businesses and communities can thrive and grow stronger.
Self-Limiting Belief #4: “If I want something done right, I have to do it myself”
Think of a time or a situation when you delegated a task, and it turned out horribly wrong. That disappointment reinforces our belief that asking for help, or delegating an important task is a mistake. We forget that “my way”, is not the “only way”. There are usually multiple paths to solving a problem. Attempting to control it all does not give others a chance to learn and grow while you are headed for unconscious victim mentality and possible burn out. Developing and mentoring others will broaden your perspective, not compromise your influence.
Asking for help might require self-reflection on the inner self-talk that takes us down a self-reliant path. As we reframe and change our inner monologue, we increase our vulnerability and grow in humility. Along with asking for help and receiving it, the next step is to express genuine appreciation to those who assisted you.
“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.” Mark Amend