Creating Healthy Boundaries 

We all need boundaries in order to have healthy relationships at work and at home. The good news about setting boundaries is they can strengthen relationships and improve self-esteem. The challenge when establishing boundaries is articulating what you want and how you want your boundaries to be honored. 

“Boundaries give a sense of agency over one’s physical space, body, and feelings,” says Jenn Kennedy, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “We all have limits, and boundaries communicate that line.”

Judith Belmont, a licensed mental health counselor, acknowledges that when we set boundaries, we create more emotional space for ourselves. She describes a set of “Basic Rights” that identify why setting boundaries is important to our emotional health. Her Basic Rights boundaries are:

  • I have a right to say no without feeling guilty.

  • I have a right to be treated with respect.

  • I have a right to make my needs as important as others.

  • I have a right to be accepting of my mistakes and failures.

  • I have a right not to meet others’ unreasonable expectations of me.

Setting boundaries requires a diplomatic assertiveness. Kennedy suggests scheduling a time to discuss your boundary issue with the person or people directly involved, then use an “I statement” to make your boundary known.

“I feel ____________ when________________ because______________. What I would prefer in the future is____________________.  Then ask, “What would work for you”?  Then work together for a mutually beneficial solution.

Respecting other people’s boundaries is important in any relationship. You cannot enact boundaries on others if you’re not willing to respect their boundaries. If, however, you feel a boundary presented to you is unreasonable, try to agree on a compromise so you both feel respected and you both have ownership in the agreement. 

“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.”
--Doreen Virtue

At Possibilities, we’ll explore how boundaries provide a commonsense structure within the Emotional Intelligence continuum. Our Level 1 and Level 2 Seminars provide you with the necessary tools to effectively navigate the emotional challenges that everyday life presents. Our seminars are powerful experiences you will long remember.