“When we focus our attention on ourselves, we evaluate and compare our current behavior to our internal standards and values. We become self-conscious as objective evaluators of ourselves.”
Shelley Duval, Robert Wicklund
One of the first steps in developing our emotional intelligence is recognizing our emotions, and the effects they have on others. We can and should make an effort to objectively recognize our emotions so we can monitor and modify how we behave in particular situations. But that is easier said than done.
We can start by looking at how we’ve historically reacted when our emotions were dominant in our behavior. We are, however, relying on our memory of those events, which can skew how we’ve interpreted our behavior during those particular experiences. What is useful about revisiting the more emotional episodes from our past is that we begin to see a behavioral pattern. Recognizing behavioral patterns and remembering the context in which they occurred can help us anticipate when these stronger emotions are likely to resurface.
The more difficult aspect of developing our emotional awareness is recognizing our emotions in real time. For example, we can recognize our anxiousness when we get stuck in traffic or have to wait in a long line at the airport. In these scenarios, it’s easy to identify this emotional shift. Applying that example to our on-going relationships at home or at work is a more nuanced skill. By monitoring our real time emotions, we are empowered to modify our behavior by consciously choosing a more constructive path, but this takes a concerted effort and many years of directed practice.
Here are some tools you can use to improve how to objectively recognize and describe your notable emotional responses:
Give Your Emotion/s A Name. Write down adjectives that describe your emotional reactions. Once you have words in mind, look up as many synonyms as you can find. See if there are better words than those you originally identified that might more accurately describe your emotional state.
Look for Patterns. Maintain a log where you can identify:
The frequency of your emotional activity
The intensity of your responses
Your emotional range - Are your adjectives more moderate or extreme in tone
Summarize the Effect Your Behavior Has on Others. In other words, get some feedback. This is where you can learn a lot about how your emotional behavior was perceived, and what effect it had on others. There may be multiple interpretations of your emotional responses within a group setting. Once you receive this input you can more nimbly modify your behavioral approach in the future.
“When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.”
– Tara Meyer Robson
Becoming aware of your emotions and knowing the effects they have on you and on the people in your life gives you the power to choose the most positive outcome. Through seminars and workshops, Possibilities Consulting guides you through this discovery process. We invite you to join us on a journey to strengthen your emotional intelligence by participating in one of our seminars.